EBOOK or PDF (Fifty Shades of Grey) · E.L. James


Fifty Shades of Grey

REVIEW Fifty Shades of Grey î PDF, eBook or Kindle ePUB Ana’s uiet beauty wit and independent spirit Grey admits he wants her too but on his own terms Shocked yet thrilled by Grey’s singular erotic tastes Ana hesitates For all the trappings of success his multinational businesses his vast wealth his loving family Grey is a man tormented by demons and consumed by the n. Garbage Absolutely horrifying utter trash A waste of trees bookshelf space and precious oh so very fucking precious braincells Honestly why is this even published Every single book store in Sydney is promoting this tripe claiming it to be some kind of awesome romance novel Are you absolutely shitting me There is nothing romantic at all about this book And I don t mean the BDSM erotica themes I mean the fifty levels of abuse in this friggin thing In fact that s what this book should be called Fifty shades of absolute fucking insanity and abuse I know at least every one star reviewer has taken the title and created their own pun with it but fuck it I m jumping on the bandwagon too Before I decided to read this God help me I kept seeing it everywhere I went and the book store where I work was involved in the promotion among other book store chains Typical All me and my co workers knew that it was smut and a hell of a lot of it too We even turned the book into a drinking game and it goes as thus Flip to a random page of the book If it s something dirty take a drink I do not recommend this game for one could die from alcohol poisoning within the first round But if you re feeling adventurous by all means Glad I could be of service to your crazy party ideas But anyway let s cut to my opinion of this abomination of literature I decided to read it because it sounded like garbage and I haven t written a review about garbage in too long I owed something to the people who actually found me worthwhile to follow on Goodreads So I decided hell I ll review this Brain cells I will never ever EVER get backThis is literally the worst book I have ever read and I say that about many books But this is the worst book for a damn good reason Let s talk about what I hated about this book The bottom line is I hated absolutely everything And I m not saying that to be funny I m saying that out of all seriousness I didn t find a single redeeming uality in this book With the Hush hush series we at least had the unintentional hilarity and the awesomeness of Marcie In Twilight we had that chick who wanted to kill Bella and Tyler s van Fifty shades of Grey has no such redeeming ualities The characters are bland and merely props to set the stage for fucking weird BDSM ing and the plot was lost somewhere in the vagina of the author s wet dream Believe me I feel weird for even typing these words Not to mention even though everyone already knows this this was originally a Twilight fan fiction called Master of the universe or some shitty stupid title like that How did such a thing get published What Twilight wasn t horrible and abuse glorifying enough so we had to kick it up a notch with publishing Master of the universe Are you people serious Why is it that dumber and dumber things are getting published uality is almost non existent Fucking hell But before I rant on for hours about that let s talk about the characters Oh I mean props Yeah props is appropriate Why Because the characters for all the personality they had may as well have been props Our first main prop is Ana aka Bella Swan The plain virginal wallflower who thinks lowly of herself whilst everyone around her just seems to freaking worship her She is also clumsy reads books has divorced parents doesn t get along with her step father and is a brain dead moronic twat Remind you of anyone I wonder who you re thinking of That is a humdinger isn t it I m amazed how many women are not pissed off with her complete lack of sense and self respect She lets a man abuse her physically and emotionally and allows him to satiate his ever growing need to control her completely passing it off as some cute obsessive habit And even if she has doubts and runs away she comes running back to him only seconds after How are people not pissed off about this Seriously Not to mention she has zero personality zero brain cells and zero common sense Her character serves no purpose other than becoming some abusive asshole s sex toy And let s not forget our second main prop Christian Grey aka Edward Cullen aka creepy stalker sociopathic megalomaniacal abusive horrifying asshole The fact that he has fangirls in the real world has pretty much ruined my faith in mankind and the new generation Christian Gray pretty much pushes the limits that Edward Cullen Patch Daniel and others have yet to push due to their PG ratings but fuck does Christian Grey push those fucking limits He physically abuses Ana and it somehow gets excused on the account that she was briefly aroused by it SERIOUSLY PEOPLE SERIOUSLY Fuck my life He also decides what she should eat what she should wear how she should act speak communicate with him where she can and can t go or what she can and can t do threatens her constantly even with physical violence and the list goes on I kid you not He even has this set out as a contract which by the way is repeated at least 5 times in the fucking book Here s another example of how romantic this mother fucker is I like the control it gives me Anastasia I want you to behave in a particular way and if you don t I shall punish you and you will learn to behave the way I desireSee Romantic as freaking Mel Gibson And by the way the women who find this guy romantic need some serious therapy Seriously Harsh I know but finding this guy romantic is like like excusing the actions of a child molester because he has nice hair This is not romantic This is ABUSIVE and WRONG on sooooo many levelsI don t know why they decided to plant this book in the general romance section This is not romantic And don t give me the IT S MEANT TO BE BDSM SO IT S SUPPOSED TO BE ALL DOM VS SUB This goes way beyond the good ol BDSM theme and just ends up treading into abusive territory Christian takes these aspects into the relationship where he ends up not only controlling a woman sexually but also emotionally and deliberately moulding her into not just a sex partner but an ideal of what he wants her to be and leaves her no room for her individuality and instead brands it as punishable That s not part of the BDSM jig I m sorry but it s not Why people even call this romantic is beyond me I already mentioned the abusive aspects of this so called relationship but other than that it was a relationship built on air Since neither of the characters had any personality outside their sex drives they had nothing that they saw in each other They couldn t relate to each other they didn t share any common interests they didn t do any good for each other outside the sexy stuff And at the end they want to pass it off as though the two are actually in love Give me a break Watching people get swooped at by magpies is romantic that this garbageThe plot There was no plot Seriously I could not find it ANYWHERE I searched and searched but alas my search has left me unrewarded Let me explain in a uick paragraph how this book goes Girl meets some guy Some guy is hot Girl thinks some guy is hot Hot some guy shows up where girl who thinks some guy is hot works Hot some guy asks out girl takes her virginity Stuff happens Hot some guy introduces girl who thinks he s hot by the way to his BDSM sex dungeon and the next half of the book is spent pondering whether or not girl who thinks some guy is hot in case it wasn t mentioned enough in the book wants to indulge in hot some guy s fantasies Also the hot some guy takes complete control over girl did I mention she thinks he s hot who seems to be totally okay with it More stuff happens Girl gets spanked too hard breaks up with hot some guy The end That s it That s the whole book And the whole Ohhh Christian has secrets bullcrap in the blurb Bullcrap His secrets are mentioned in only 5% of the book and drive the plot nowhere The book is only about how some asshole wants to control some stupid girl The other characters are barely relevant They were just props whose only role was to be interested in the relationship between Ana and Christian They didn t seem to be interested in anything else They could be buttering toast and thinking I wonder how hard Christian is fucking Ana right now An absolute waste The media might be promoting this tripe as the new hero of literature but this is and always will be just another wart on the ass of literature along with Twilight and all its descendants You know what they say you can polish a turd but it will still be a turd Petit dictionnaire de l'amour fou uiet beauty wit and independent spirit Grey admits he wants her too but on his own terms Shocked yet thrilled by Grey’s singular erotic tastes Ana hesitates For all the trappings of success his multinational businesses his vast wealth his loving family Grey is a man tormented by demons and consumed by the n. Garbage Absolutely horrifying Astrophil et Stella, L'Amoureux de l'Etoile et l'Etoile & Défense de la Poésie utter trash A waste of trees bookshelf space and precious oh so very fucking precious braincells Honestly why is this even published Every single book store in Sydney is promoting this tripe claiming it to be some kind of awesome romance novel Are you absolutely shitting me There is nothing romantic at all about this book And I don t mean the BDSM erotica themes I mean the fifty levels of abuse in this friggin thing In fact that s what this book should be called Fifty shades of absolute fucking insanity and abuse I know at least every one star reviewer has taken the title and created their own pun with it but fuck it I m jumping on the bandwagon too Before I decided to read this God help me I kept seeing it everywhere I went and the book store where I work was involved in the promotion among other book store chains Typical All me and my co workers knew that it was smut and a hell of a lot of it too We even turned the book into a drinking game and it goes as thus Flip to a random page of the book If it s something dirty take a drink I do not recommend this game for one could die from alcohol poisoning within the first round But if you re feeling adventurous by all means Glad I could be of service to your crazy party ideas But anyway let s cut to my opinion of this abomination of literature I decided to read it because it sounded like garbage and I haven t written a review about garbage in too long I owed something to the people who actually found me worthwhile to follow on Goodreads So I decided hell I ll review this Brain cells I will never ever EVER get backThis is literally the worst book I have ever read and I say that about many books But this is the worst book for a damn good reason Let s talk about what I hated about this book The bottom line is I hated absolutely everything And I m not saying that to be funny I m saying that out of all seriousness I didn t find a single redeeming L'Amour, fou uality in this book With the Hush hush series we at least had the FOUS D AMOUR unintentional hilarity and the awesomeness of Marcie In Twilight we had that chick who wanted to kill Bella and Tyler s van Fifty shades of Grey has no such redeeming Fous d'amour : Un livre-cadeau ualities The characters are bland and merely props to set the stage for fucking weird BDSM ing and the plot was lost somewhere in the vagina of the author s wet dream Believe me I feel weird for even typing these words Not to mention even though everyone already knows this this was originally a Twilight fan fiction called Master of the FOU AMOUREUX universe or some shitty stupid title like that How did such a thing get published What Twilight wasn t horrible and abuse glorifying enough so we had to kick it Vézelay ou l'Amour fou up a notch with publishing Master of the Un chouïa d'amour fou universe Are you people serious Why is it that dumber and dumber things are getting published L'idée de l'amour dans Le fou d'Elsa et l'oeuvre d'Aragon uality is almost non existent Fucking hell But before I rant on for hours about that let s talk about the characters Oh I mean props Yeah props is appropriate Why Because the characters for all the personality they had may as well have been props Our first main prop is Ana aka Bella Swan The plain virginal wallflower who thinks lowly of herself whilst everyone around her just seems to freaking worship her She is also clumsy reads books has divorced parents doesn t get along with her step father and is a brain dead moronic twat Remind you of anyone I wonder who you re thinking of That is a humdinger isn t it I m amazed how many women are not pissed off with her complete lack of sense and self respect She lets a man abuse her physically and emotionally and allows him to satiate his ever growing need to control her completely passing it off as some cute obsessive habit And even if she has doubts and runs away she comes running back to him only seconds after How are people not pissed off about this Seriously Not to mention she has zero personality zero brain cells and zero common sense Her character serves no purpose other than becoming some abusive asshole s sex toy And let s not forget our second main prop Christian Grey aka Edward Cullen aka creepy stalker sociopathic megalomaniacal abusive horrifying asshole The fact that he has fangirls in the real world has pretty much ruined my faith in mankind and the new generation Christian Gray pretty much pushes the limits that Edward Cullen Patch Daniel and others have yet to push due to their PG ratings but fuck does Christian Grey push those fucking limits He physically abuses Ana and it somehow gets excused on the account that she was briefly aroused by it SERIOUSLY PEOPLE SERIOUSLY Fuck my life He also decides what she should eat what she should wear how she should act speak communicate with him where she can and can t go or what she can and can t do threatens her constantly even with physical violence and the list goes on I kid you not He even has this set out as a contract which by the way is repeated at least 5 times in the fucking book Here s another example of how romantic this mother fucker is I like the control it gives me Anastasia I want you to behave in a particular way and if you don t I shall punish you and you will learn to behave the way I desireSee Romantic as freaking Mel Gibson And by the way the women who find this guy romantic need some serious therapy Seriously Harsh I know but finding this guy romantic is like like excusing the actions of a child molester because he has nice hair This is not romantic This is ABUSIVE and WRONG on sooooo many levelsI don t know why they decided to plant this book in the general romance section This is not romantic And don t give me the IT S MEANT TO BE BDSM SO IT S SUPPOSED TO BE ALL DOM VS SUB This goes way beyond the good ol BDSM theme and just ends L'amour fou up treading into abusive territory Christian takes these aspects into the relationship where he ends Gatsby Le Magnifique up not only controlling a woman sexually but also emotionally and deliberately moulding her into not just a sex partner but an ideal of what he wants her to be and leaves her no room for her individuality and instead brands it as punishable That s not part of the BDSM jig I m sorry but it s not Why people even call this romantic is beyond me I already mentioned the abusive aspects of this so called relationship but other than that it was a relationship built on air Since neither of the characters had any personality outside their sex drives they had nothing that they saw in each other They couldn t relate to each other they didn t share any common interests they didn t do any good for each other outside the sexy stuff And at the end they want to pass it off as though the two are actually in love Give me a break Watching people get swooped at by magpies is romantic that this garbageThe plot There was no plot Seriously I could not find it ANYWHERE I searched and searched but alas my search has left me Premier amour (Les grands romans de l'amour fou) unrewarded Let me explain in a Désirs fous uick paragraph how this book goes Girl meets some guy Some guy is hot Girl thinks some guy is hot Hot some guy shows TRAITE DE L AMOUR FOU up where girl who thinks some guy is hot works Hot some guy asks out girl takes her virginity Stuff happens Hot some guy introduces girl who thinks he s hot by the way to his BDSM sex dungeon and the next half of the book is spent pondering whether or not girl who thinks some guy is hot in case it wasn t mentioned enough in the book wants to indulge in hot some guy s fantasies Also the hot some guy takes complete control over girl did I mention she thinks he s hot who seems to be totally okay with it More stuff happens Girl gets spanked too hard breaks Les fous d'amour au Moyen Age : Orient-Occident up with hot some guy The end That s it That s the whole book And the whole Ohhh Christian has secrets bullcrap in the blurb Bullcrap His secrets are mentioned in only 5% of the book and drive the plot nowhere The book is only about how some asshole wants to control some stupid girl The other characters are barely relevant They were just props whose only role was to be interested in the relationship between Ana and Christian They didn t seem to be interested in anything else They could be buttering toast and thinking I wonder how hard Christian is fucking Ana right now An absolute waste The media might be promoting this tripe as the new hero of literature but this is and always will be just another wart on the ass of literature along with Twilight and all its descendants You know what they say you can polish a turd but it will still be a turd

SUMMARY ☆ PDF, eBook or Kindle ePUB ☆ E.L. James

REVIEW Fifty Shades of Grey î PDF, eBook or Kindle ePUB When literature student Anastasia Steele goes to interview young entrepreneur Christian Grey she encounters a man who is beautiful brilliant and intimidating The unworldly innocent Ana is startled to realize she wants this man and despite his enigmatic reserve finds she is desperate to get close to him Unable to resist. You know I was beginning to wonder if I needed to change some of my two star books to one star I was thinking that I might not ever personally read a book worthy of one star and I was messing up my scale by giving some of the lame books I ve read lately two stars instead of oneThank you EL James for proving to me there was something worth waiting for Something that truly exemplifies the meaning of terribleNow hold up all you would be defenders I read this whole thing I did not skip anything I did not skim I read every word I bought this book with the intention of giving it the benefit of the doubt You see I love erotica and I m not ashamed to say that I both read as you see on my 2012 books I ve already read two others and write it myself So I was thinking to myself oh maybe there s a possibility that even though this is a twi fiction rewrite and even though everyone makes fun of it it could still be a fun little guilty pleasure read that I can laugh along withNONONONOThis book is NOT eroticsexy funny even ironically endearing full of sexual taboosThis book IS repetitive plotless well you knew that painful to get through depicting manipulative controlling and self destructive as desirable how to not write a novel how to gain success by using other people s characters barely changing them and then laughing all the way to the bankMost people know about the twilight matchups so I m not going to go into too much detail but it was actually uite sickening how lazy she was to change ANY story detailsBella Anastasia a clumsy girl who grew up in Arizona Las Vegas with her mother then moved to Forks Vancouver Washington where her dad stepdad lives while her mother lives with her new husband in Florida Georgia She has a younger friend named Jacob Jose with a crush on her and whose dad is friends with her dad because they are fishing partners and police force army buddies and who gave her his old truck VW beetleEdward Christian who is adopted and has a sibling named Emmett Elliott and a sister named Alice Mia also adopted who live with their parents Carlisle Carrick really CARRICK We couldn t even change the first three letters and Esme Grace Their father mother is a doctor Rose Kate and Jasper Ethan are also siblings in this story but have been changed to be friends of Anastasia since in Twilight they already have a convenient different last name than the other CullensAlso he dazzles herI can t even function over the fact that upon preparing this book for publishing she couldn t change one fucking thing to make it even remotely different That was too hard TOO DAMN HARD The similarities in character are so untouched that I am sincerely appalled that she thought it different enough to publish as is It s uite disgustingAlright continuing on and once again I m sure you ve heard this already this book is terribly written Most notably the lack of ability to describe anything other than the few choice phrases she knows how to type He ran his hands through his hair I bit my lip He told me not to bite my lip Oh jeez He grabbed me by the chin to make me look up at him Holy crap I peeked up at him Lather rinse repeat Over And over And over For 500 pages Then there s the case of multiple personality disorder where she hears the voices of two distinct other pieces of herself in her head The subconscious the one telling her she s not good enough and the inner goddess the one that s all into the sex It s strange because I m also currently reading a book right now Deadline where the main character hears a voice in his head because he is literally insane and it s written almost the exact same way he talks back to his voice who presents herself in italics just as Anastasia talks back to her two italics voices It s funny because she s supposed to be completely normal and yet shares the same schizophrenic tendencies as a book about someone who is completely insane This is sense Check out this awesome short paragraph from chapter 24 Through the haze of light I suint and see Christian leaning over me smiling Amused Amused at me Dressed In black What are these fragments four in a row What is this punctuation GASP AT HIM BEING CLOTHED Is this supposed to be poetryLet me add some line breaks for poetic interestThrough the haze of light I suint and see Christian leaning over me Smiling Amused Amused at me Dressed In blackThat s almost betterLet s have another shall we from chapter 24 once I didn t put that song on my iPod he says casually and puts his foot down so that I am thrown back into my seat as the car accelerates along the freeway What He knows what he s doing the bastard Who did And I have to listen to Britney going on and on WhowhoThe song ends and the iPod shuffles to Damien Rice being morunful Who Who I stare out the window my stomach churning WhoSAY WHO AGAIN BITCH JUST TRY IT I DARE YOUOkay and now maybe even worse than the writing oh hell nothing s worse than the writing nevermind is the lack of plot Now once again you already know this Do I even need to tell you nothing happens Seeing as it s based off of a book where nothing happens you can be guaranteed that as we go one step removed even less happens Here is the part where I apologize to Twilight where I said in my page by page commentary below that 50 Shades was entertaining I was at the very beginning I was young and na ve I didn t realize I m sorry You know how The Office kind of got bad after Jim and Pam got together because there was really nothing you were waiting for after that This happens by likechapter 2 You re likeokaywhat now we jut have to watch them whine as a couple for the next zillion pages Okay I can t even fathom that there are two other books written about this couple I literally want to open the window and invite birds to eat my eyes out as punishment for buying and reading this bookAnd now for a bit of tiddlybits I m going to share some information on storywriting that you guys might find interesting and will help show exactly why 50 Shades has zero plot I went to school for film and we had story development classes One thing we were beaten over the head with about is something called the 7 Sentence Story This will help for any writers that are writing their books to be cinematic or would like their novel to be considered for film purposes this is by no means a rule but a really helpful guideline First you need a problem a conflict A reason to tell a story Once you have that your plot should be able to be described in seven sentences thuslyExposition we are introduced to the protagonist andor main charactersInciting Incident something happens that kicks off the conflict the whole point of the storyPlot Point 1 because of the inciting incident character sets off to do somethingcorrect the problem etcMidpoint here in film you might see a montage but it s a place where either plot point 1 is resolved or there is a transition in the characters way of thinkingPlot Point 2 often an even bigger issue arises or a twist that changes or accelerates the conflictClimax final showdown or decisions needed to be madeResolution everything comes to an end the conflict is settled in one way or anotherBasically if you can tell your story in this way in seven sentences you ll know that A the main point is clear B that your story doesn t wander too much in different directions and C that you actually have a plot to stand on that you can justify there s enough substance there And since that s a lot of vagueness we ll go with a classic captivedominant story to show how one tells a story in seven sentences Disney s Beauty and the Beast First the main conflictConflict The prince has been turned into a beast and has only a limited time left before he is trapped forever as oneAnd the seven sentence story Exposition Belle is a smart girl who rejects the advances of Gaston as she doesn t want to be stuck in a mundane lifeInciting Incident Belle s father gets lost and captured by the Beast in his castlePlot Point 1 Belle trades her freedom for her father and is prisoner in the castleMidpoint Belle starts to experience feelings for the Beast and is complacentPlot Point 2 Belle s father is sick and the Beast decides to let her go even though he s giving up his chances of being with herClimax Gaston comes with an angry mob to destroy the BeastResolution While Beast lays dying his love for Belle turns him back into a human and he can live with her happily ever after Simple right Of course other things happen but no doubt you can communicate the main story with just these sentences Okay so let s try 50 Shades which hilariously has had its film rights bought already Conflict Anastasia must decide whether to be with a guy who she thinks is super hot but also scares her This fascinating decision I tell you whatExposition Anastasia is a literary student at WSUInciting Incident Anastasia meets Christian on page 7 and thinks he s hot and mysterious and also frustrating It is clear they both have chemistryPlot Point 1 which is sloppy and all over the place Christian chases her down brings her to his house and shows her he s into SM Also they have sexSorta Midpoint but kind of suished close to Plot Point 1 Anastasia must decide whether to pledge herself to him via contract if she wants to continue seeing him Plot Point 2 Nah she s still deciding and whining about how he s kind of scary but continues to have sex with him throughout this whole time There is no plot point 2Climax Well there isn t really one it s just kind of an all over the place endingeither the complicated sex scene at the end with the hymnal music or him hitting with her with the belt the next morning one of the two I guessResolution She says he s too weird and ends it What a complex thrilling and incredible plot full of depth SHOULD I HAVE CUT THAT FOR SPOILERS OOPS Did you even care If you ve gotten this far nopeBut guess what We know that there are two other books and they get together and lesson isn t really learned so AWESOME COOL I guess that s how she gets people to buy the next ones because hot diggedy I can t wait to see them get back together and whine some And let s talk about the sex for a moment Nothing forbidden actually happens that you ll be like ohhhh how scandalous I want to try that For the most part it s pretty much all basic stuff or basic toy play because basically he s taking it easier on her since she s inexperienced Except for the belt part at the end I guess which just doesn t sound funAnd you already heard about the tampon so like that s not even a surprise although imo it s not a big deal anyway Out of all the women having sex on their periods regularly I can guarantee you there are uite a few men that are tasked with taking the tampon out and throwing it aside I was actually upset about the fact that she is sleeping completely naked in a hotel room bed on day two of her period As if that isn t going to be a mess in the morningOkay lest I go on as long as the book you get the point If you want to see my commentary while reading it is below However a few things I cannot stand how much the author being middle aged shows from the point of view of this 21 year old I m gonna buy plane ticketson the Internet ARE YOU NOW WHOAOOOAOAOA Don t get crazy on us I might be too overwhelmed by this turn of events I fired up my email BLAZING SPEEDS REUIRED They actually do the you hang up no you hang up no you that gross couples tend to do And it was expectedly gross Someone on ONTD who liked this book yelled at me because I said that Christian is not a dominant they also said I wasn t experienced enough to understand lol okay like you know who I am anon I still stand by that statement It s not what he s doing it s how he s doing it He is deeply troubled whiny and manipulative and while he does love control it s for the wrong reasons He was abused as a child and sexually abused as a 15 year old and vastly denies it and because of this he justifies his activities as personal preference when he is in fact a bit too fucked up to currently have a relationship He ends up making the na ve Anastasia batshit crazy because he continues to string her along trying to convince her they want the same things instead of getting himself some help He gives her the illusion that she has the choice to back out but then turns around and says ha ha I m joking but I know where to find you by the way She goes to visit her mother because she needs a break from him to think and what does he do Flies out there using his roundabout stalker way of finding information about where she s at like he always does to meet up have sex with her and take her out with him She s supposed to be visiting her mother and having time to think yet he can t stay away and makes this about HIM taking her away from time with her mom whom she hasn t seen in 6 months I can t at this selfish fucking bastard because he just can t stay awayIt makes me mad just thinking about someone that clingy Which is another thing that pisses me off almost everything about their whining and relationship conversations reminds me of everything I ve hated about past relationships I ve had How does ANYONE enjoy this book How does anyone think that this is sexy that this depicts something they wantI can t evenI cannotAlso I should never have imagined Chuck and Blair from Gossip Girl as the main characters Now everytime I see a commercial for Gossip Girl rage courses through my bodyI m bored Someone get me out of herePS Did you know that James recently stated she s set the bar for writing pretty highCoolPlease do yourself a favor and go buy a book of much higher uality plot and writing ohhhh likeModelland Gatsby Le Magnifique unworldly innocent Ana is startled to realize she wants this man and despite his enigmatic reserve finds she is desperate to get close to him Unable to resist. You know I was beginning to wonder if I needed to change some of my two star books to one star I was thinking that I might not ever personally read a book worthy of one star and I was messing Premier amour (Les grands romans de l'amour fou) up my scale by giving some of the lame books I ve read lately two stars instead of oneThank you EL James for proving to me there was something worth waiting for Something that truly exemplifies the meaning of terribleNow hold Désirs fous up all you would be defenders I read this whole thing I did not skip anything I did not skim I read every word I bought this book with the intention of giving it the benefit of the doubt You see I love erotica and I m not ashamed to say that I both read as you see on my 2012 books I ve already read two others and write it myself So I was thinking to myself oh maybe there s a possibility that even though this is a twi fiction rewrite and even though everyone makes fun of it it could still be a fun little guilty pleasure read that I can laugh along withNONONONOThis book is NOT eroticsexy funny even ironically endearing full of sexual taboosThis book IS repetitive plotless well you knew that painful to get through depicting manipulative controlling and self destructive as desirable how to not write a novel how to gain success by TRAITE DE L AMOUR FOU using other people s characters barely changing them and then laughing all the way to the bankMost people know about the twilight matchups so I m not going to go into too much detail but it was actually Les fous d'amour au Moyen Age : Orient-Occident uite sickening how lazy she was to change ANY story detailsBella Anastasia a clumsy girl who grew Amours fous up in Arizona Las Vegas with her mother then moved to Forks Vancouver Washington where her dad stepdad lives while her mother lives with her new husband in Florida Georgia She has a younger friend named Jacob Jose with a crush on her and whose dad is friends with her dad because they are fishing partners and police force army buddies and who gave her his old truck VW beetleEdward Christian who is adopted and has a sibling named Emmett Elliott and a sister named Alice Mia also adopted who live with their parents Carlisle Carrick really CARRICK We couldn t even change the first three letters and Esme Grace Their father mother is a doctor Rose Kate and Jasper Ethan are also siblings in this story but have been changed to be friends of Anastasia since in Twilight they already have a convenient different last name than the other CullensAlso he dazzles herI can t even function over the fact that Saintes familles : Amours fous - Saint amour - Anges du chaos upon preparing this book for publishing she couldn t change one fucking thing to make it even remotely different That was too hard TOO DAMN HARD The similarities in character are so Majnûn et Laylâ : L'amour fou (La Bibliothèque arabe) untouched that I am sincerely appalled that she thought it different enough to publish as is It s Un amour si fort, si fou,,, : Collection : Collection harlequin n° 436 uite disgustingAlright continuing on and once again I m sure you ve heard this already this book is terribly written Most notably the lack of ability to describe anything other than the few choice phrases she knows how to type He ran his hands through his hair I bit my lip He told me not to bite my lip Oh jeez He grabbed me by the chin to make me look L'or des fous : Vies, amours et mésaventures au pays des Four Corners de Rob Schultheis,Marc Amfreville (Traduction) ( 6 mars 2008 ) up at him Holy crap I peeked L'or des fous : Vies, amours et mésaventures au pays des Four Corners by Rob Schultheis(2008-03-06) up at him Lather rinse repeat Over And over And over For 500 pages Then there s the case of multiple personality disorder where she hears the voices of two distinct other pieces of herself in her head The subconscious the one telling her she s not good enough and the inner goddess the one that s all into the sex It s strange because I m also currently reading a book right now Deadline where the main character hears a voice in his head because he is literally insane and it s written almost the exact same way he talks back to his voice who presents herself in italics just as Anastasia talks back to her two italics voices It s funny because she s supposed to be completely normal and yet shares the same schizophrenic tendencies as a book about someone who is completely insane This is sense Check out this awesome short paragraph from chapter 24 Through the haze of light I suint and see Christian leaning over me smiling Amused Amused at me Dressed In black What are these fragments four in a row What is this punctuation GASP AT HIM BEING CLOTHED Is this supposed to be poetryLet me add some line breaks for poetic interestThrough the haze of light I suint and see Christian leaning over me Smiling Amused Amused at me Dressed In blackThat s almost betterLet s have another shall we from chapter 24 once I didn t put that song on my iPod he says casually and puts his foot down so that I am thrown back into my seat as the car accelerates along the freeway What He knows what he s doing the bastard Who did And I have to listen to Britney going on and on WhowhoThe song ends and the iPod shuffles to Damien Rice being morunful Who Who I stare out the window my stomach churning WhoSAY WHO AGAIN BITCH JUST TRY IT I DARE YOUOkay and now maybe even worse than the writing oh hell nothing s worse than the writing nevermind is the lack of plot Now once again you already know this Do I even need to tell you nothing happens Seeing as it s based off of a book where nothing happens you can be guaranteed that as we go one step removed even less happens Here is the part where I apologize to Twilight where I said in my page by page commentary below that 50 Shades was entertaining I was at the very beginning I was young and na ve I didn t realize I m sorry You know how The Office kind of got bad after Jim and Pam got together because there was really nothing you were waiting for after that This happens by likechapter 2 You re likeokaywhat now we jut have to watch them whine as a couple for the next zillion pages Okay I can t even fathom that there are two other books written about this couple I literally want to open the window and invite birds to eat my eyes out as punishment for buying and reading this bookAnd now for a bit of tiddlybits I m going to share some information on storywriting that you guys might find interesting and will help show exactly why 50 Shades has zero plot I went to school for film and we had story development classes One thing we were beaten over the head with about is something called the 7 Sentence Story This will help for any writers that are writing their books to be cinematic or would like their novel to be considered for film purposes this is by no means a rule but a really helpful guideline First you need a problem a conflict A reason to tell a story Once you have that your plot should be able to be described in seven sentences thuslyExposition we are introduced to the protagonist andor main charactersInciting Incident something happens that kicks off the conflict the whole point of the storyPlot Point 1 because of the inciting incident character sets off to do somethingcorrect the problem etcMidpoint here in film you might see a montage but it s a place where either plot point 1 is resolved or there is a transition in the characters way of thinkingPlot Point 2 often an even bigger issue arises or a twist that changes or accelerates the conflictClimax final showdown or decisions needed to be madeResolution everything comes to an end the conflict is settled in one way or anotherBasically if you can tell your story in this way in seven sentences you ll know that A the main point is clear B that your story doesn t wander too much in different directions and C that you actually have a plot to stand on that you can justify there s enough substance there And since that s a lot of vagueness we ll go with a classic captivedominant story to show how one tells a story in seven sentences Disney s Beauty and the Beast First the main conflictConflict The prince has been turned into a beast and has only a limited time left before he is trapped forever as oneAnd the seven sentence story Exposition Belle is a smart girl who rejects the advances of Gaston as she doesn t want to be stuck in a mundane lifeInciting Incident Belle s father gets lost and captured by the Beast in his castlePlot Point 1 Belle trades her freedom for her father and is prisoner in the castleMidpoint Belle starts to experience feelings for the Beast and is complacentPlot Point 2 Belle s father is sick and the Beast decides to let her go even though he s giving Roger Salardenne. L'Amour chez les fous, reportage dans les asiles d'aliénés. Illustrations de Pol Ferjac up his chances of being with herClimax Gaston comes with an angry mob to destroy the BeastResolution While Beast lays dying his love for Belle turns him back into a human and he can live with her happily ever after Simple right Of course other things happen but no doubt you can communicate the main story with just these sentences Okay so let s try 50 Shades which hilariously has had its film rights bought already Conflict Anastasia must decide whether to be with a guy who she thinks is super hot but also scares her This fascinating decision I tell you whatExposition Anastasia is a literary student at WSUInciting Incident Anastasia meets Christian on page 7 and thinks he s hot and mysterious and also frustrating It is clear they both have chemistryPlot Point 1 which is sloppy and all over the place Christian chases her down brings her to his house and shows her he s into SM Also they have sexSorta Midpoint but kind of suished close to Plot Point 1 Anastasia must decide whether to pledge herself to him via contract if she wants to continue seeing him Plot Point 2 Nah she s still deciding and whining about how he s kind of scary but continues to have sex with him throughout this whole time There is no plot point 2Climax Well there isn t really one it s just kind of an all over the place endingeither the complicated sex scene at the end with the hymnal music or him hitting with her with the belt the next morning one of the two I guessResolution She says he s too weird and ends it What a complex thrilling and incredible plot full of depth SHOULD I HAVE CUT THAT FOR SPOILERS OOPS Did you even care If you ve gotten this far nopeBut guess what We know that there are two other books and they get together and lesson isn t really learned so AWESOME COOL I guess that s how she gets people to buy the next ones because hot diggedy I can t wait to see them get back together and whine some And let s talk about the sex for a moment Nothing forbidden actually happens that you ll be like ohhhh how scandalous I want to try that For the most part it s pretty much all basic stuff or basic toy play because basically he s taking it easier on her since she s inexperienced Except for the belt part at the end I guess which just doesn t sound funAnd you already heard about the tampon so like that s not even a surprise although imo it s not a big deal anyway Out of all the women having sex on their periods regularly I can guarantee you there are Georges Feydeau. Théâtre complet : . 1. Occupe-toi d'Amélie. L'Affaire Edouard. Amour et piano. Fiancés en herbe. Hortense a dit je m'en fous ! Introduction de Marcel Achard uite a few men that are tasked with taking the tampon out and throwing it aside I was actually André Roussin. L'Amour fouou la première surprise, comédie en 4 actes. Bruxelles, Théâtre Royal du Parc, 23 septembre 1955 upset about the fact that she is sleeping completely naked in a hotel room bed on day two of her period As if that isn t going to be a mess in the morningOkay lest I go on as long as the book you get the point If you want to see my commentary while reading it is below However a few things I cannot stand how much the author being middle aged shows from the point of view of this 21 year old I m gonna buy plane ticketson the Internet ARE YOU NOW WHOAOOOAOAOA Don t get crazy on André Breton. L'Amour fou us I might be too overwhelmed by this turn of events I fired Fou d'amour (Eros-presses) up my email BLAZING SPEEDS REUIRED They actually do the you hang L'avant scène journal du théâtre up no you hang Du timide au satyre. la timidité et le trac - l'obsession - la regardelle - l'amour de tête - le bacille et l'amour - la jalousie - l'envie - le sadisme - les fous meurtriers. up no you that gross couples tend to do And it was expectedly gross Someone on ONTD who liked this book yelled at me because I said that Christian is not a dominant they also said I wasn t experienced enough to Foudre suspendue et poison de l'amour fou : acte de foi impardonnable : théatre understand lol okay like you know who I am anon I still stand by that statement It s not what he s doing it s how he s doing it He is deeply troubled whiny and manipulative and while he does love control it s for the wrong reasons He was abused as a child and sexually abused as a 15 year old and vastly denies it and because of this he justifies his activities as personal preference when he is in fact a bit too fucked Un Amour Fou up to currently have a relationship He ends Andrinople et Alizarine : Roman à colorier (Les contes de l'amour fou.) up making the na ve Anastasia batshit crazy because he continues to string her along trying to convince her they want the same things instead of getting himself some help He gives her the illusion that she has the choice to back out but then turns around and says ha ha I m joking but I know where to find you by the way She goes to visit her mother because she needs a break from him to think and what does he do Flies out there J'aime un groom ou L'amour vainqueur (Les contes de l'amour fou.) using his roundabout stalker way of finding information about where she s at like he always does to meet Henri Nanot (1921-1962) un Amour Fou de Liberte up have sex with her and take her out with him She s supposed to be visiting her mother and having time to think yet he can t stay away and makes this about HIM taking her away from time with her mom whom she hasn t seen in 6 months I can t at this selfish fucking bastard because he just can t stay awayIt makes me mad just thinking about someone that clingy Which is another thing that pisses me off almost everything about their whining and relationship conversations reminds me of everything I ve hated about past relationships I ve had How does ANYONE enjoy this book How does anyone think that this is sexy that this depicts something they wantI can t evenI cannotAlso I should never have imagined Chuck and Blair from Gossip Girl as the main characters Now everytime I see a commercial for Gossip Girl rage courses through my bodyI m bored Someone get me out of herePS Did you know that James recently stated she s set the bar for writing pretty highCoolPlease do yourself a favor and go buy a book of much higher Fous de l'amour (les) uality plot and writing ohhhh likeModelland

E.L. James ☆ 6 REVIEW

REVIEW Fifty Shades of Grey î PDF, eBook or Kindle ePUB Eed to control When the couple embarks on a daring passionately physical affair Ana discovers Christian Grey’s secrets and explores her own dark desiresErotic amusing and deeply moving the Fifty Shades Trilogy is a tale that will obsess you possess you and stay with you foreverThis book is intended for mature audienc. 0 stars DNF 55% Review edited February 12 2015 Sex is than an act of pleasure it s the ability to be able to feel so close to a person so connected so comfortable that it s almost breathtaking to the point you feel you can t take it And at this moment you re a part of them Author unknown I ve had a rather long list of issues when I decided to abandon ship FSoShit is garbage and if I had read a paperback I would have burned the fucking offending thing It s a total mystery to me why this book ever saw the light of day because let s face it the writing is incredibly juvenile The story and characters are extremely poorly written and I couldn t for the life of me connect with the dumb clumsy na ve and immature heroine Also the slimy whacko didn t deserve to be called hero Christian is a highly manipulative abusive and stalker ish asshole His whispers didn t endear him to me either He came off as a total creep I honestly don t understand what Ana saw in him yet on the other hand I didn t get it why Christian would stalk that bland and vapid wallflower In any event these two deserved each other and Ana obviously enjoyed Grey s blunt and crude approachThe whole contract business was pretty much mind boggling I don t believe that a healthy and consensual Domsub relationship could be based upon such crappy and ridiculous rulesChristian the rich Superman sarcasm deflowered our wallflower in a way that s not even worthy of losing any words over that pathetic fuck So you did guess right I neither found the sex to be hot nor erotic AtAll Thus I d better buy him a ticket to the next Mars expedition stat That would ensure that Mr Grey would not return to our cozy place called Mother EarthFSoG lacked depth and emotion big time Except of disgust and anger I felt nothing towards these pathetic main protagonists and their fucked up trip bored me to tearsThe winking smileys irritated the hell outta me and all that inner goddess shit made me almost blow a fuse JesusFuckingChrist Would you give me a break already I ve read a variety of erotica books and I do enjoy great smexin that comes with some kind of depth and great characterization However I m not sorry to say that FSoG is ranking among the worst erotica books I ve ever readWhat s seriously bugging me as well is the fact that the general public thinks that FSoShit provides almost every woman s erotic fantasy I don t criticize readers who loved this book but I m criticizing the media coverage I don t appreciate it when these people claim to know that s what a general majority of women love to read and want in real life or in the bedroom for that matter Seriously Never Ever FSoG is bad erotica It s bad BDSM too When people say FSoG is empowering women in their sexuality then I think something is seriously wrong Never ever could this story empower me in my sexuality What in God s name is on their minds I can do it all by myself with my very healthy hand and I can gladly say that my boyfriend is empowering me just fine and is taking care of my needs Thank you very much BTW my boyfriend is not an abusive and manipulative stalker Oh yes now it dawns on memy boyfriend is realBottom line the barely there plot and the characters were overly shallow underdeveloped immature and boring The amateurish writing killed any desire to read anything else by this author in the future And last but not least my inner goddess was so fucking relieved when she had to uit eventually It was a very tedious and crappy experience and I wish I had never bought this book let alone attempted to go through this rubbish I was in dire need of bleaching my brainChristopher Hitchens said Everybody does have a book in them but in most cases that s where it should stay As a side note

  • Paperback
  • 356
  • Fifty Shades of Grey
  • E.L. James
  • English
  • 06 September 2020
  • 9781612130293

10 thoughts on “EBOOK or PDF (Fifty Shades of Grey) · E.L. James

  1. says: E.L. James ☆ 6 REVIEW SUMMARY ☆ PDF, eBook or Kindle ePUB ☆ E.L. James REVIEW Fifty Shades of Grey

    EBOOK or PDF (Fifty Shades of Grey) · E.L. James You know I was beginning to wonder if I needed to change some of my two star books to one star I was thinking that I might not ever personally read a book worthy of one star and I was messing up my scale by giving some of the lame books I've read lately two stars instead of oneThank you EL James for proving to me there was something worth waiting for Something that truly exemplifies the meaning of terribleNow

  2. says: EBOOK or PDF (Fifty Shades of Grey) · E.L. James SUMMARY ☆ PDF, eBook or Kindle ePUB ☆ E.L. James

    REVIEW Fifty Shades of Grey E.L. James ☆ 6 REVIEW SUMMARY ☆ PDF, eBook or Kindle ePUB ☆ E.L. James What in the hell just happened? Did I really read that? Oh my god I did I did read that Meet Anastasia Steele Ana is just a giant mess of a human being She's insecure to the point of it being laughable 'klutzy' even though she only trips twice in the entire book and a complete ditz She's a virgin of course who's never taken any sexual interest in anyone before Right I'm fairly certain there hasn't been a woman this naive since 'ro

  3. says: EBOOK or PDF (Fifty Shades of Grey) · E.L. James E.L. James ☆ 6 REVIEW REVIEW Fifty Shades of Grey

    E.L. James ☆ 6 REVIEW SUMMARY ☆ PDF, eBook or Kindle ePUB ☆ E.L. James EBOOK or PDF (Fifty Shades of Grey) · E.L. James Trigger Warning This review contains strong themes to include rapeBefore I begin what will likely become a very long rantpublic service announcement let me first say a few words I have nothing against EL James Not

  4. says: REVIEW Fifty Shades of Grey EBOOK or PDF (Fifty Shades of Grey) · E.L. James

    EBOOK or PDF (Fifty Shades of Grey) · E.L. James E.L. James ☆ 6 REVIEW SUMMARY ☆ PDF, eBook or Kindle ePUB ☆ E.L. James Introducing an even abusive and disturbing TWILIGHT Now with whips and chains Fifty Shades of Shit Haters please exit stage leftI'm not sure what possessed me to pick up Fifty Shades of Grey I thought I might genuinely like it before I started

  5. says: E.L. James ☆ 6 REVIEW SUMMARY ☆ PDF, eBook or Kindle ePUB ☆ E.L. James REVIEW Fifty Shades of Grey

    EBOOK or PDF (Fifty Shades of Grey) · E.L. James SUMMARY ☆ PDF, eBook or Kindle ePUB ☆ E.L. James REVIEW Fifty Shades of Grey In the words of Miss Steele You need to sort your shit out Grey Good day sir Fifty Shades of Grey like Fifty shades of fucked up nonsense rolls eyes I should get a medal for just finishing this tripe I honestly do NOT feel like revis

  6. says: REVIEW Fifty Shades of Grey EBOOK or PDF (Fifty Shades of Grey) · E.L. James E.L. James ☆ 6 REVIEW

    EBOOK or PDF (Fifty Shades of Grey) · E.L. James Garbage Absolutely horrifying utter trash A waste of trees bookshelf space and precious oh so very fucking precious brainc

  7. says: E.L. James ☆ 6 REVIEW SUMMARY ☆ PDF, eBook or Kindle ePUB ☆ E.L. James REVIEW Fifty Shades of Grey

    REVIEW Fifty Shades of Grey EBOOK or PDF (Fifty Shades of Grey) · E.L. James SUMMARY ☆ PDF, eBook or Kindle ePUB ☆ E.L. James Head's up If any of you fuckers comment at the bottom of this review and say You don't understand BDSM I will hunt you down and mak

  8. says: E.L. James ☆ 6 REVIEW SUMMARY ☆ PDF, eBook or Kindle ePUB ☆ E.L. James REVIEW Fifty Shades of Grey

    EBOOK or PDF (Fifty Shades of Grey) · E.L. James E.L. James ☆ 6 REVIEW 0 stars DNF 55% Review edited February 12 2015“Sex is than an act of pleasure it's the ability to be able to feel so close to a person so connected so comfortable that it's almost breathtaking to the point you feel you can’t take it And at this moment you're a part of them 
 Author unknown 

I've had a rather long list of issues wh

  9. says: REVIEW Fifty Shades of Grey E.L. James ☆ 6 REVIEW EBOOK or PDF (Fifty Shades of Grey) · E.L. James

    SUMMARY ☆ PDF, eBook or Kindle ePUB ☆ E.L. James EBOOK or PDF (Fifty Shades of Grey) · E.L. James E.L. James ☆ 6 REVIEW I didn’t want to start this book Many people are praising it but I’m simply not into erotica it’s too cheap for me But here I am in the mind of the innocent waiting to be devoured by the big bad wolf Sounds pornographic doesn

  10. says: EBOOK or PDF (Fifty Shades of Grey) · E.L. James SUMMARY ☆ PDF, eBook or Kindle ePUB ☆ E.L. James

    REVIEW Fifty Shades of Grey SUMMARY ☆ PDF, eBook or Kindle ePUB ☆ E.L. James E.L. James ☆ 6 REVIEW Those of you who have had the privilege of reading Fifty Shades of Grey will appreciate the context in which this review was written For those of you who have not read the book well you’ll have to buy a copy to understand the inside joke CONTRACTDated this day 28th day of October 2011 BETWEENPA LUPTON reader and fan Fifty Shades of Grey by E L JamesAndALL FANS OF EROTIC CONTEMPORARY ROMANCEEXPECTATIONSReader

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